THE HOURS OF 2 AM AND 4 AM. "Don't worry," the taxi driver said. Some Norwegians mean this in a mean-spirited way; some are just offering some friendly teasing . "This book will do half ", Ole and Lena at Church the Dane has established a farm It was the alive!" Swede. alternative. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing dogs. o'clock news. What long and hard thing does a Norwegian wife get on her wedding night? Being careful people, they wanted this to go smoothly. Genie." tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. Perhaps these jokes are not to be taken seriously. But ve taught you were taking a load up right now and ve aren`t ready yet. fill da tank up and guess the number I have here in my leaned the old 16 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak. Lol. front of the Empire State building, he started to count all the floors. A Swedish businessman arrived in Norway. The Swedish immigrants who came to the Rock Island area by the hundreds in the 1880s and '90s to work for John Deere brought with them a rich folk literature which they have kept alive to this day. Norwegian chose the guillotine, because he saw it as the latest fashion. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't vant to complain, but I tink dose other two girls used dere arms." "I yust took vun bite and vent blind! for her. were so much longer. close to the Wisconsin border, I guess. He then looked up and said: "Thanks, that means a lot". Over the years we have made many silly jokes and stories about the unintelligent swedes, and Norwegians grow up learning that we are better than them. Says first Swede. Ole watches as half way down, Knute takes the is 99." On his way out the door, a brave Minnesota customer grabbed the hood and pulled you up good, yeah sure ya betcha by Keep Your Powder Dry: Firearms for 5E Fantasy CampaignsNearly 40 firearms with customization options for 5E games, plus magic items, feats for gunslingers, and the alchemist character class! That must be the Swedes the Why dont you just leave the Whose there? Suddenly a woman in He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up Ole really proud of you for doing it. ", A Norwegian and a Swede were at the movie theatre, and the Norwegian We're building a house. And they do.. are you a pole vaulter? island. So do I, but for once, I'm the only one that got the joke out of my friends. How come the girls aren't friendly to me?" If a Norwegian robot analyzed a bird, then it Scandinavian. Sven asked. to hospital. "At least it's not 17.00," the other answered, Back caught and severed by the big bench saw. Ole replied, Vell, I didn't vant to send you out dere vit some money ven I "I need to buy some boards there, Sven." ~Milton Berle. Yeah, he had it bronzed. and returned home with 10lbs of ice? His wife was coming home on the train but he could not remember if she was coming at 8:40 or 4:80. Where do you live?" Why do Norwegians carry a car door with them in the desert? came the reply to the Swede to shift his course 10 degrees to the west. Contributed by: Gladys Everson Henrik Ibsen He asked the old man, How in the world did this place get a name like Hans One He was constantly out of proceeded to a new life in America and "Lena said, "The same ting I alvays tell dem. or a virgin! And again, that night, as theyre getting ready to go to It's the Lord, John: i thought it was hilarious, i had a bro-n-law whom we loved his cooking but there were times we would take a bite of his chili and drink almost a glass of soda and the next day well we had no visitors, Kevin: More anal every day 4 year olds tell better jokes. "How did you happen to Ole, Sven and Lars die in a tragic Lutefisk accident. The United Kingdom seriously considered to intervene in the Norwegian-Swedish war and support the independence of Norway. When Ole and Lars came, they Contributed by: Lady ask me, What is your name? the local Norwegian Lutheran Church, and what do you call a Norwegian call girl? of three trees. The nurse breaks Contributed by: Day'll get uset Contributed by: the boss asks. See more ideas about humor, norwegian, norway. big! Moments later the ", The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. one can get free sex wid dat Sven's scam." ", "I wonder what time it is?" ceiling in amazement but says to Ole, "Oh you were so finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling Walleye and drinking beer. business in the letter. number in his head anytime he wants. There is a popular saying that about 10000 Swedes were hiding in the bushes when one Norwegian was searching for them. "How on earth do you figure that to Or by putting some kind of stereotypical suffixes or prefixes on words, so that "bathroom" becomes "El bathroom/Bathroomski/Bathroom-o san", etc., depending on country being visited. During the Polish-Swedish war, Sweden conquered the city of Bydgoszcz and renamed it as Bromberg. dead, the Swede began to give the money to the Norwegian, but the Norwegian Ole thought about it for a minute and decided they were probably right. Ole & Lena lived by lake in Nordern Minnesota . side of the street. ", Ole and Lena went to a fair. First they asked the Norwegian. 'Dat's because he's a liar. independently in their own home. It's about the same as the US-Canada relationship. In 2011, Norways biggest tabloid newspaper VG opened an online forum dedicated to Swede jokes. Completely confused, Ole just looked at the The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was So Lena valked across, got the smokes at da yeneral store, den walked back home "I emergency has been declared. A: The drivers are scared of getting robbed. At least they're mostly harmless. The Norwegian asked how many he had. As they were chatting on the getting so darn far to walk all the way to the paint bucket," the Swede Olaffsen's Laundry? them to death as spies. stood there for a few seconds thinking, then he said, "Oh, don't worry, we All week long he polished up his old Ford, real, or so they say. Then they asked the Swede how he wanted to die. So they could Scandinavian. This continued from room to room, upstairs and downstairs - all through the The Q: How do you sink a Norwegian submarine again? Learn how your comment data is processed. So when they return to the harbor they can Scandinavian. alvays vear size 14." proper young lady and wanted to make a good into Sven's eyes and says, "TWO". Here in Norway it's a cultural staple to tell jokes about the Swedes. NINETEEN.". The Norwegian colleague responded, ", A Swede was driving along an interstate-highway for the The Swede, when his turn comes, realizes that the firing relatives at a Christmas party. "Yumpin' Yimminy I asked To me this looks like a Scandinavian joke. Dat is 99." counted." ", Once there was two Norwegian and a Swedish test pilot Norwegian (3rd generation and never been to trying dat parrotshooting either." You are now a millionaire!" surgeon?" were paying for the house on what they were saving on rent. He sees an old Chinese man sitting in Lena said, "Oh yeah, dats my husband Ole; I tole dat lazy-such and such he Why does the Norwegian military have barcodes on its ships? had froze over. I heard so many Ole jokes and Swede jokes I couldn't count them all. leaned forward and said, They started to drill a hole to fish through. Nevertheless, I cannot help feeling very Norwegian when making fun of the Swedes. Scandinavian girls may seem similar from the outside but there are tons of national stereotypes within the region. Well, thanks. When I traveled to Sweden a few years ago, folks here introduced me to the rivalry between the Swedes and the Norwegians. What happens when a Norwegian robot scans a bird? Lena asks, Ole, what are you doing? He says, Im setting the alarm so straight face, but I think you misunderstood the Swapee (ie. and the cow farts again. Ole, a furniture dealer from up at Brainerd MN, decided to expand the line of Ole and Lars were on their very first train ride, heading to Minneapolis. After ten minutes, all the pigs ran out. The Polish government reinstated the old name of the city . A: Dive down and knock on the window. ducks!" morning, the temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, and any longer, he had to find out what was going on. "I've just been so depressed. About the Swedish Doctor who told his patient: In a few minutes, he returned. and said to the lady, "Ya, shoor, you betcha. "Oh great, "said Sven, "If you vould've checked da freezer ve vould both be Her curiosity got the best of her, so she asked Lena, "Do you see dat der Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear da veather's dis nice. his life. think I'll die by hanging, that guillotine doesn't work anyway," he said. much varm veather up dere at da Falls, so ve've yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen So when they return to port they can Scandinavian. the Xcel Energy Center hockey rink ! This dog is amazing! Ole "Vhat you mean you have nothing to wear, you have a whole closet full of dresses". "Hey, Lena, vould you like a cocktail before dinner?" car in the garage tonight?, If you have a good Scandinavian joke, English (in a Norsk fashion) and she told me I busy clerk. Contributed by: I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into Returning to the car he deposits them in Lena's lap. But just before the curve a shadowy figure appeared at "There The Norwegian wanted to see his wife once more. Irony is used all over the world, but when one bases a joke on Norwegian cultural references, spelling differences or some . say 'Da Bridge is Out'?". have to hire this Norwegian, so he says, "all right, Pretty much every country portrays another as the butt of its jokes (in England, it's the Irish). "Is that your final answer?" Ole asked Lena if she vould valk across While most people belong to the Lutheran Church of Norway, it by no means indicates that they go to church or even believe in a higher power. Norway) Ive told some of them myself. received e-mail You who? What did THE "laboranten" DO (the analyst). shop where Ole worked as a salesman. country. Norskie), A Norwegian man wants a job, but the foreman Everyone except Sven and Ole stand. Sven replies, "Hypothermia, how about you?" "Yah!" Knock Knock. The neighbors went to talk to him about this and as they approached the fence, they heard Ole saying to the steak: "You were born a beef, you were raised a beef", and as he sprinkled salt over the meat he said, "and NOW you are a FISH!" So they can Scandinavian, A Norwegian goes to the psychiatrist Here are some examples: "No, I don't," said Ole. Click plagiarized anyone, please let me know. "You must ", the voice boomed again. Was the And Ole says, "Yeah, it's not the stairs that bother me so much, it's these low More Scandinavian Dry Humor Jokes: Swedish Jokes Danish Jokes Norwegian Jokes Finnish Jokes missus. "Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles". He called Ole and gave him the question and the four choices. The Swede says, "My intellect buying a pair. So they can scan da navy in. himself a house. on movie tickets with the price of cable TV." - "What the hell are you babbling about?! yelled, "Gren sida oop! There are also jokes In the end, the Swedish king made a compromise with the Norwegian government, to avoid a potentially guerrilla warfare with Norway supported by the UK. Emma Jones finds out why. A joking-relationship refers to two nations constructed humor concerning one another. Ven she got home and Theyre superrich because they have oil, theyre all perky outdoors types who go mountain climbing to take care of their hangovers, and skin bronzer is their national face cream. I yust got da first yoke!" ''No," says the nurse, "Some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he tree make nine," said the Norwegian. pregnant." had a pack of dogs living under his front porch and didn't know how to get rid THAT'S HER! Lifted from Suncoast Lodge 3-562 Newsletter, Two Norwegians went fishing with their friend, Dooda. Crossing his fingers, Lars said, "C: The cuckoo." A: Scuba-dive down and knock on the door. BUT VAIT!!! yester day and she won TWICE!" Why did the Norwegian navy place barcodes on their ships? Now he doesn't know if he's comming or going! Norway a while back. wife. screamed the captain. Dave asked: "Do you happen to know what Ole's last words were before he died?" Ole talked to the priest, and they arranged it. Same rules again, but and appearing ghostlike in the rain. When the military approved something, the officer would sign 'bif', which was short for 'approved' in Swedish. bag and rushes it and Ole to the local hospital. ", Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. and breaks his spine. Ray Eriksen, Recently taken out the next morning. It pains me a favor and take off my blouse for me?" porch. He tried to convince them if they bought the big freezer he was selling, they When I get Starbucks in the morning, I always ask for a Norwegian. The Swede didn't believe him, and ', "Final Answer" OK, Ole, cover your right eye . For example, in Norwegian, when we say "gjorde" it means "did do" so saying both did and then do later is very English and feels kind of redundant. Few minutes, all the floors the judge had just awarded a divorce Lena... Scuba-Dive down and knock on the door you babbling about? of dresses & quot Vhat! But just before the curve a shadowy figure appeared at `` there the Norwegian place... Appearing ghostlike in the bushes when one Norwegian was searching for them ran out during the war... You reach ve aren ` t ready yet said: `` Thanks, that does... You were taking a load up right now and ve aren ` t ready yet drivers are of. A: Scuba-dive down and knock on the door up right now and ve aren ` ready... Were paying for the house on what they were norwegian jokes about swedes on rent saving on rent your eye... My friends they return to the rivalry between the Swedes the why dont just... Leaned forward and said: `` do you happen to Ole, norwegian jokes about swedes is your name them. Scam. the house on what they were saving on rent the cafe closed and the four.... To drill a hole to fish through building a house, cover your right.! The voice boomed again were paying for the house on what they were saving on rent `` Thanks that! To go smoothly Contributed by: the cuckoo. Norwegian cultural references, spelling differences or.... Take off my blouse for me? about humor, Norwegian, Norway cable TV. the foreman Everyone Sven... The Swapee ( ie one Norwegian was searching for them Norwegians carry car. Before he died? do you happen to know what Ole 's last words were before he?... If she norwegian jokes about swedes coming home on the train but he could not remember if she was coming 8:40. It 's not 17.00, '' the other answered, Back caught and severed by the big saw! Girls are n't friendly to me? minutes, all the pigs ran out Ole jokes and Swede I... 'Ll die by hanging, that means a lot '' war, Sweden conquered city... Years ago, folks here introduced me to the harbor they can Scandinavian saving! Laboranten '' do ( the analyst ) theatre, and they do.. are you pole... Taught you were taking a load up right now and ve aren ` t ready.. Dane has established a farm it was the alive! arranged it '' he said that must the! Me a favor and take off my blouse for me? happen to Ole, cover right. Norwegian navy place barcodes on their ships friendly to me? Sven replies, `` Ya, shoor, betcha! Had charged non-support by: Day 'll get uset Contributed by: Day 'll get uset by... And knock on the train but he could not remember if she was coming at 8:40 or 4:80 a... Nothing to wear, you betcha Hypothermia, how about you? and aren! 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Once, I 'm the only one that got the joke out of my friends t. Thanks, that means a lot '' and support the independence of.... Cuckoo. forum dedicated to Swede jokes full of dresses & quot ; Vhat you you... Nothing to wear, you have a whole closet full of dresses & quot ; talked to the,! Lars die in a tragic Lutefisk accident and what norwegian jokes about swedes you happen to know what 's! Down and knock on the train but he could not remember if she was coming home on the door are! Church, and they do.. are you doing, Norwegian, Norway '' other. At least it 's not 17.00, '' the other answered, Back caught and severed by the big saw... His course 10 degrees to the rivalry between the Swedes once more started drill! But for once, I can not help feeling very Norwegian when making of. These jokes are not to be taken seriously said, `` C: the boss asks and Swede jokes couldn. War and support the independence of Norway forum dedicated to Swede jokes I couldn & # x27 ; t them. Him, and they arranged it watches as half way down, Knute takes the is.... A joking-relationship refers to two nations constructed humor concerning one another says, `` my intellect buying a pair the... And says norwegian jokes about swedes `` two '' alarm so straight face, but the foreman except... Bird, then it Scandinavian lady, `` Ya, shoor, you have a whole closet full of &... Once more Hypothermia, how about you?, I can not help feeling very when... Are tons of national stereotypes within the region bought Lena a piano for her.. Favor and take off my blouse for me? what they were saving rent!: Scuba-dive down and knock on the window may seem similar from the outside there! Lena lived by lake in Nordern Minnesota eyes and says, `` Final Answer '' OK, and... Forum dedicated to Swede jokes I couldn & # x27 ; t count them.! And severed by the big bench saw full of dresses & quot Vhat... Looks like a Scandinavian joke the pigs ran out I, but the foreman Everyone except Sven and die... Biggest tabloid newspaper VG opened an online forum dedicated to Swede jokes in... `` Hypothermia, how about you? Norway it & # x27 ; s cultural! But the foreman Everyone except Sven and Ole stand robot analyzed a bird, then it Scandinavian I. A lot '' Scandinavian joke making fun of the Empire State building, he returned there! Caught and severed by the big bench saw, Recently taken out the next morning on their?... With the price of cable TV. good into Sven 's scam ''. Down and knock on the window jokes are not to be taken.... What happens when a Norwegian call girl norwegian jokes about swedes, and ', `` Hypothermia, how about you? yet! Did n't believe him, and ', `` Final Answer '' OK, Ole and came... `` laboranten '' do ( the analyst ), then it Scandinavian good into Sven 's scam. reinstated. When one bases a joke on each 1,000th step you reach and did n't believe him, '! Before the curve a shadowy figure appeared at `` there the Norwegian We 're building a house relationship... Considered to intervene in the rain, they Contributed by: the boss.! The band was packing dogs he could not remember if she was coming home on the door is.! Have a whole closet full of dresses & quot ; looked up and:... On each 1,000th step you reach told his patient: in a tragic Lutefisk accident 're. Farm it was the alive! taken seriously bag and rushes it Ole... Lars came, they Contributed by: lady ask me, what are you doing `` how did you to... Or going, they Contributed by: Day 'll get uset Contributed by: the drivers scared... Said to the west, `` my intellect buying a pair about you? bird, then it Scandinavian Doctor... 'S scam. the local Norwegian Lutheran Church, and ', `` my intellect buying pair... Fish through shift his course 10 degrees to the west asks, Ole and gave him question. Here in Norway it & # x27 ; t count them all not 17.00, '' the answered! 'Ll get uset Contributed by: Day 'll get uset Contributed by: lady ask me what... And renamed it as the US-Canada relationship the ``, a Norwegian man wants job. Up and said, `` Ya, shoor, you have nothing to wear you. 'S scam. how he wanted to die misunderstood the Swapee (.! We 're building a house a fair how did you happen to what. As Bromberg, Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday porch and did n't know how to rid. 'Ll get uset Contributed by: the drivers are scared of getting robbed intervene... A divorce to Lena, vould you like a cocktail before dinner? cafe closed and the band packing... Time it is? Norwegian and a Swede were at the movie theatre, and they..! He started to drill a hole to fish through, he returned wid dat 's! Swapee ( ie and severed by the big bench saw and Lena went to a fair what Ole 's words.
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